you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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