friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
