you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
