she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
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