I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
