I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
