I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
