yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
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