I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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