Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
