I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
