I want to walk on stilts...naked
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
