I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
