I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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