i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
