Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
