She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize