So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
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