We named our party play list daddy issues
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
