Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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