I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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