He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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