Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
