I am spending my child support on dildos
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
