I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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