Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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