woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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