if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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