you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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