We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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