from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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