he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Randomize
