When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Randomize
