My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
