I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize