either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Randomize
