Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
