Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
