hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
