How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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