I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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