no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
