Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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