the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
3 2 1 whiskey
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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