take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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