you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
