If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
