4 words: hood of his car
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
