Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
he high fived his dick after we had sex
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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