I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
