And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
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