I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I'm at about main and main street
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
