Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
