I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
