my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
