I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Randomize
