She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize
