member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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