This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
