After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
