This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
