first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I need a burrito and a hug.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize