Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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