he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
