If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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