are you so shy because you have an std?
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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