Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize