Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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