Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize