OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Randomize
