My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Randomize
