I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
