sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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