only if we run a train.
done.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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