my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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