So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
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